Things are starting to line up...starting...

So life has been a big ol' mess lately! We finally found a house in Plain City that the lady will sign a two to three year lease so that we dont have to worry about this crap happening again with our landlord so we are going to start packing soon and getting stuff over there. Its going to be nice to be out in the sticks again without the heavy traffic coming out of the canyon and the cliffs in the yard. This house is an awesome house we are in and we are super sad to have to leave, but there are alot of things that are too stressful with the kids up here, kids need to be kids and play and be wild in the yard and this yard is just not kid friendly, nor is the heavy traffic coming out of the canyon with everyone speeding. So we are excited to get a flat big yard that the kids can ride their bikes in, and play like kids in. The house is alot smaller then what we are in right now, but we hardly use anything other then our rooms, kitchen, one bathroom and the front room anyway so its pointless to have this huge house when all we entertain is our kids. So really its not going to make us that sad to just downgrade to things we use and make more of it. We went to talk to the lady renting it and she is my aunts best friend and is so nice so I think its going to be good for us to get away from this weird ass lady anyway. lol. The problem:JD is hurt and going to be having surgery, I am knocked up...hhmm, this could be interesting!! We are going to pack the hell out of the house and make sure its all packed and hopefully we can find some people to help us get it all out because I have no idea who to ask. We both hate asking for everyones help, we would rather just deal with it and do it on our own, but this time its a baby for me that would be getting the brunt so I feel like JD is going to end up just going at it and totally kill himself just to get it done, he doesnt have to attitude of "lets wait til someone will help" he is more "oh well, guess I have to do it" guy. Kinda sucks, I appreciate that attitude more then anything, but I get so scared he is going to hurt himself one of these times. I have seen him go to major extreme to do something on his own, and it doesnt matter if it is killing him in pain, he just does it and pushes himself til its done...something I am not used to being my Dad, and Brother are a little different in that area. lol. But anyway..the baby is good...still a GIRL!! YAY! And getting big, kicking, punching and on one most the time. I love it! I am trying so hard to enjoy this last pregnancy, and I am loving feeling and seeing the baby grow, but HOLY MOLY, my hormones are outta whack sooooooooooooooooooo bad I am ready to crawl in a hole til this is all done! JD is very patient with me and its so helpful, but I am still a mega bitch and for some reason cant just control these moods, I am hoping they will get a bit easier..fingers crossed..but all in all its been a fun ride with pregnancy, moving, jd getting injured at work, taking care of my brothers kids, and kayden getting out of school! Its possibly the mixture of all of those that I might be having the crazy moods?? Ya think?? haha. But I am hangin on......

Long story. But I need it out of my head. :(

Holy moly!!! In a matter of months things went from stressful to absolutely completely out of control. We are trying our hardest to do everything that we can for my brothers situation but it is extremely hard on us, so we are going to do it as long as we can. With no financial help or anything and just taking on multiple kids (on top of our two and being pregnant) its rough. But they are loving it here and loving the attention that they are not used to getting so its rewarding at the end of the day. This whole situation with my brother makes my heart ache. I was once this child that wondered where home was? Wondered who loved me? Wondered why I got the Mom and Dad I got? So its all really emotionally hard for me to even think that I could turn them away no matter how broke or stressed we are, LOVE IS FREE, and I more then anyone understand that. My situation when I was young is pretty much being repeated right now by him and its not surprising its what he has seen and learned from, someone will always pick up the pieces when you get weak when it comes to a few certain people in my family. JD and I are struggling with this in alot of ways, we do not understand how the hell someone can do certain things, and then again, and again and again! The cycle HAS to end, or you end it for them??!! Right? We feel its not right for someone to take advantage of us, our money or our kind heart. If we choose we will raise these kids, why would we do this without legal rights??? Well this same thing happened to me. I was 11 when I moved in with my aunt and uncle, my mother and father up and left. They would come by like once a year or something but I had so much hatred for them I got physically ill when I would see them. My parents also REFUSED to sign over any rights for my aunt to have control or assistance from the state, so she and my uncle just dealt with the hard time and made sure I was loved. It changed my life. I love my Aunt more then words can express. I now understand how difficult it was. But when I was 16 my Mom found out that if she had me living with her that her child support would go up to 450 a month. So...at that point I was for once in my life getting about a 3.8 gpa, had a boyfriend Josh who I was with for 3 years, just got a job at Kirts in North Ogden, and trying out for Fremont Cheerleading. I got home one day it was in the summer, it was just Josh and I and Vonnie came downstairs and said there is nothing she could do to stop it but I was going to have to go back and live with my mom. MY WORLD WAS CRUSHED. I knew what was going to happen, I had no doubt in my mind this was about money so I asked her, she said yes the child support will go up and she needs it right now, I am sorry there is nothing I will do things will be fine. Things WERE NOT fine. My life crumbled each and everyday. I got back with her and it was horrible. I hated everything about her, she didnt fool me, I saw right through the bullshit. The only good thing that came out of my situation with her is that god sent JD my way and things worked out for us to be together even if I didnt do it the way I "should" of. No one knows me, they didnt know what I was actually into, they would kiss JDs feet knowing the horrible things he saved me from and gave me reason for living at that point. So here I am at this point in my life with my brothers kids...thinking, I was that kid who was ripped away from what I loved all because nothing legal went of it. So WHY WHY WHY would I allow this to happen to my beautiful neices? I wouldnt. I refuse to do this long term just for that reason. They are not going to live here and get a happy life then get ripped right away when it benefits their selfish father. But then on the other side I am in the minds of the little sweet babies, I know the sadness they are going through and if I can save them from even just a portion of that life I would want to. But its not easy for me either, why does he think that when its hard he can just up and leave?? This is killing me inside. I do not know what to do. I would love to just do this temp but whos to say this is not going to turn into a year, two, three? Its hard enough being pregnant with all the hormones raging, then to add this I am honestly a mess. Mentally and Physically right now. I have thought about how if I wouldnt have even tried to have a baby that I could just do all this and there wouldnt be a problem, but that thought makes me feel horrible. I am popping out kids..but I am TAKING care of those kids so I am allowed to have another if I please. But the thought of just not being pregnant with my third this whole process would be so much easier. But this is my girl, this is my last, this is MY BABY. I feel like my family and I are missing out on a very important stage in our life that we should be focusing on more, yet we are unable to with all the craziness. The sad thing is the kids are little angels and mind way good, its the adults, they are drama, selfish, gossip, and plain difficult. I am being the bad guy in my family because I wont just take them and shut my mouth. I want a timeline, I want to know when this is going to end, I want to know who is going to help with groceries when we are out of food. This would all be different right now if we were able to have JD just work some extra overtime, but with him not working he is unable to. We are getting Workers Comp, but this is killing him not being able to provide for them. But I am sad to see him feel like these three girls are his responisibility, they are not, he is just a good guy. I am at the point in my life where I have watched my brother fool everyone. However he is finally catching on that JD and I ARE NOT FOOLS. He called and asked if he and his girlfriend could stay with us since they know our house is big enough for them with no problem, but all JD could say is "I am a Man, and I know these girls deserve better so I will take them no matter how hard or rough or difficult it gets. You and your girlfriend just go have your fun, one day you will turn into a man and figure it all out" (mind you he is 30). Its hard to turn your brother away when you know he has nowhere to go. Everyone is telling him no. He is living in a motel with his girlfriend and he will learn this is not a way to live. We have all told him yes for too long, now we all understand we have to break the cycle. So the way it goes long term is up to him. Sad situation, but you just have to keep pushing through.

ITS A GIRL!!!

So we found out today that we will be having our grilly finally. We are sooo excited, JD is slightly more excited then me at the moment due to people freaking me out about girly attitudes and whinyness, I know as soon as I start buying stuff this will come to an end. lol. I am really excited though, this is exactly all we need to shut me up and I will definatley not need anymore kids. haha. I thought that right when I got pregnant, then I kept thinking but wait a second, what the heck would I do if it was another boy and I never had a girl??? I would have definatly thought about a fourth a few years down the line again. So we are super excited to call this good. :). I am so far actually feeling better, for the most part, my food is not staying down very well at night, but other then that my energy is back and things are good. We have my little neice here for a bit..not sure if its going to be permanent or not, but we are helping out my brother who is struggling to be a single father and so we have offered to take in little one year old Maddy. We love her like our own children and she is melting JDs heart every second she is with him, so I think Casey is going to have to beg for her back. lol. She is such a great little baby tho, she is loving being here with our boys and having the little attention that she needs. We are happy to help no matter what this outcome may be, so for now we are just enjoying her one day at a time. Then JD finds out on June 2 weather or not he will have surgery on his shoulder, the surgeon says yes so I am pretty sure they are going to, this Physical therapy was just a workmans comp requirement. And Kaydens school year is coming to an end. I cannot believe my babe is going to be going to second grade, he is such a good little guy and we are so proud of him. He made me a Mothers Day Calendar at school and his face lite up when I opened it. Little things that make a mama's heart melt. :) I love my boys more then anything in the world, and no matter what they put me through during the day, which is usually a TON lol, I love to just walk in after they fall asleep and give them a smooch and whisper I love them. I treasure every day with them and cant wait to share their little sister with them soon. They are both so excited, I think Ryker is just because he see's Kayden, but still its so dang cute. haha. I am so thankful for my awesome husband who does anything and everything for me and the boys, and Maddy at the time, and dont know what I would do without them. :) Now...onto deciding what to decorate the babys room in........hhhmmm, PINK! YAY!!!

The good (baby) The bad (JDs shoulder) :) :(

So the baby ultrasound was so cute this time!! The baby has little toes and little fingers and was jumping all around. I love it! :) Its nice and healthy and the heartbeat is still fast and steady. I cant wait to find out what were having on May 10th, its going to last forever to just get here. lol. And then.....JD was working on Friday and hurt his shoulder when he was trying to get a hitch on the truck there and his shoulder popped and started to burn, he was unable to use it all weekend then attempted work today and ended up leaving early to get to the doctor, the doctor said that its appearing to be a torn muscle in his rotator cuff and there is a possibility of surgery, he said that you can have a small injury to a rotator that is just basically arthritis that JD has always had just like in his other shoulder, but when something tears it, it is nooo good. So were hoping for the best, we have gone through all this wonderful Workmans Comp crap with his knee before we were married and its such bullshit and I am sure somewhere someone will find a way to screw us but this is to the point that its going to have to be repaired now with no acceptions. JOY! I feel so bad for JD because he is feeling bad that he is not able to work to the full capability but this is not his fault and this is something that was caused by work to go bad and tear so it should be taken care of since there has never been an issue diagnosed previously from the doctor he has just had the regular aches and pains that anyone who works that hard has, so this is NOT an existing problem. So we have to make the appt with the Ortho Surgeon and they will decide where to go from here, wish us luck PLEASE.....

My life is pretty awesome! :)

So we have been super busy. We had spring break and it was so fun! I was dreading it a little I'll be honest, its hard to entertain Kayden, he has high expectations when it comes to just sitting home, we have to be watching a specially ordered movie or playing outside or something ALL the time. But this vacation was relaxing and fun. We just hung out at home and went to lunch with Jade when we could so it ended up being really good. We had the Easter Bunny visit and he brought the kids some special little surprises and they were so happy! JDs parents came over for Easter breakfast and WE (Jade, I, and our boys) had a good time. They were onory and irritated so they were being debby downers. Billie saw some alcohol in our fridge and instead of realizing we are adults and we can have it there, she got all mad and was a rude person the whole time. OH WELL! We made sure our kids had fun and enjoyed themselves and we had fun. After that we took a nap, then took the boys fishing and they had a blast. Ryker is going to be a total fisherman, he gets all silly and excited when we go. After that we got a call from my Mom inviting us over for a BBQ with my brother and sister. Jade had some painting he had to finish at home and just told me to go while he finished it up so Me and the Boys headed out there and the boys had SO much fun with all their cousins, they played their little butts off. And we brought home Carson with us to sleep over with Kayden and they were up til midnight playing XBOX then they woke up at 7 and started again. He loves to have soemone over to play with him so I just let them play play play. :) So our Easter weekend was absolutely perfect with our little family, Jade was not on call and was home and we were able to relax and make it good. I love my life, I have the best husband who helps me with anything and everything with no complaints, he is wonderful and I love him more then anything in the world. Of course next to my boys who are wild and crazy and MINE! :) I love Jade and my boys sooooo much, they make my life perfect.

:0) just wonderful

So things are going really good with the baby and its getting big and growing, the heartbeat is still faster then both the boys..so girl??!! And Kayden is going to be on Spring Break for the rest of the week starting tomorrow!!!! AAHH!! What am I going to do to keep them busy? Oh man I better start thinking hard. lol. JD is working like normal and I am home dealing with tiredness and kids and house stuff, just fun some days, so much fun. I have had a really bad pain in my back so JD has been taking care of everything for me so I guess I really cant complain right now, he has cleaned, cooked, done laundry and everything...kinda nice, I wont lie. But Poor Ryk man is sick and has a horrible cough that he cant keep under control so he pukes..ugh..so fun stuff going on this week, I am pretty sure I am going to be going crazy by the end of spring break since I am not entertaining enough for Kayden. lol. Wish me luck!! :)

Well hello there, its been a while!

So..so far I am 8 1/2 weeks pregnant, the baby is doing great and growing like a little babe should grow, the heartbeat is a little faster then the boys by about 25 beats a minute..so possible this is our grill..but I started to have some pain in my upper back on the side of my back and it just came on one day as a little irritating pain, the next day it was a little worse, then I went to sleep and tried to get up at 2 am to go to the bathroom and tried to sit up and just screamed and started crying uncontrollably, well I took some Ibu and went back to bed and Jade went to work I woke up to get Kayden to school and once again couldnt move so needless to say Kayden didnt get to school, I called JD crying my eyes out and couldnt breathe or move so he told me that I needed to go to the ER, I called my doc, they said the same thing. I was scared thinking I was misscarrying or something, so Jade left work and rushed home to take me, I was in the ER from 9 am to 3 pm, they came to the conclusion that I have "gravel" kidney stones, that means there are a ton of tiny ones so they have no timeline of when I might feel better, and they said there is a thing called hydronephrosis, you get it during pregnancy and its where your kidneys are surrounded by extra fluid during pregnancy and it causes extreme pain all through your pregnancy, and I also have that too..but they checked the baby and it had a head and body this time! So cute! So the babys heart was beating great and the baby was fine..thank god! So here I am bedridden, and on super strong pain meds, the pain meds are only making it to where I can move in bed and get up for just a second at a time, if I didnt have them I am pretty sure I would be crying my eyeballs out completely. But as long as my baby is alright I will deal with what I have to to make the baby healthy and keep on truckin. :) Right now JD is doing all the cooking, cleaning, and everything, which makes me extremely thankful and at the same time sad, he is working his ass off at work then coming home and staying up late and getting all the stuff done that I am not able to do. I appreciate him more then anything, he is so awesome and just steps up and doesnt complain a bit and just picks up the slack for me. :) I love him so much! I am so lucky! Now onto resting and praying to god this crap goes away and I can feel a little better....

ITS A...BABY! lol

So went in for the ultrasound today and there is indeed a baby there! I am 6 wk 5 days and due Oct 30. Finally! The thing thats kinda good is I havent had the sickness like I did with both the boys, I have just been reallllly tired, so other then that feeling pretty good. Will update!

dammit dammit dammit!!!! lol

So, I took all the medicine that the doc told me to take to start my period, and NADA, so I told JD I would take it all and two days after I would take a Digital Test to prove to him that I WAS!! And today was the second day after, I still feel preggo and shitty. So I got a test....POSITIVE!!!! FINALLY!!!!! So now onto see if the medicine that the doc gave me caused the baby problems, if so there is going to be a HUGE problem. But we are staying positive and waiting it out, I am hoping my doc can call me today and get the blood work ordered so I can see exactly how far along I am, I am thinking..Just thinking..I am about 8-9 weeks......

:P fun stuff

So this week went by so fast, I have been tired, and still feeling like poo!!! Ugh! I cant wait to one day feel normal again...One day! lol Kayden has been having to do a little extra reading at home for school, it is SO freaking hard to get Ryker to cooperate while taking the time to get quiet and focus on just Kayden and his book, so I have had a little bit of a rough time. I am ready for this weekend to be here, other then JD is on call Fri and Sat anyway. BLAH! But thats alright, we need the extra money so I shouldnt complain. This weekend we need to get out of the house and do something FUN, like park, or something! ANYTHING! haha I have been helping JDs mom since she is sick and having issues with her back so I am more then tired with just my crap then to assist her with her stuff is killing me. But I can do it! I can do anything! Right!?!? haha This week my kids have actually been fairly good with helping me since I am helping Grandma, they are all concerned on what is going on with her and if she is alright, its so cute, they know who loves them, and they love those people right back 10 fold. My boys are the sweetest little things when it comes to someone getting hurt or sad they are so concerned and are willing to do anything you say. Love it! :) For three nights they both have helped me make awesome yummy dinners and clean the house and everything so thank goodness for that! I got a new phone that they totally think is awesome too, they love the touch screen and the noises that it makes when they touch it they find it very entertaining! So funny! But its late, I am tired, and I am off to a nice hot bath then bed...aaaahhhh, sounds great I know...CYA!

I love my life!!!!!!

So JD went to work today, I went and got my nails done at 4 and as soon as I was done me and the boys went to get some IceCream with my Mom, she called and asked if we could meet her, so I said sure why not...it was actually fun, we talked and had a normal convo. I came home and JD watched the kids and let me just sit and do my thing. He put the kids to bed at 7 and started to clean and got the house all cleaned up for me, then continued to scrub my bathrooms! He is such a great guy, and dad. I am so lucky to have him. He is always willing to do whatever with no complaints :) I love being part of his life, I love having our family, my kids spike my stress level quite often and my voice, but there is nothing better then being their Mom, and taking care of them. Just to hear them say "I love you" or "Your the bestest Mom ever" or anything cute and random makes it all worth the stress. This life gets very hectic and crazy at times, but it is mine and I love every moment of it! I am a very lucky wife, I dont work, I dont have to worry about anything like that, I drive around a very nice vehicle, I have nice clothes, and house. I have everything I could ever ask for and need so I am a lucky person and I love my husband so much for making that all possible! He even calms me down when I am having my moments where I am pretty sure I am losing my mind and he takes care of everything for me so I can chillax, he is amazing. Yay! I am so happy I found him! :) And I know he thinks the same of me, he tells me all the time, so were pretty happy with eachother I think lol

la de da

So we went on our Vegas trip and it was SSSOOOO fun!!! We got a little crunk, but not too much ;) And, the drive back was horrible! There was so much snow on the roads, then it was a blizzard! Glad we decided to take the truck, we almost took the car, but we got home, just took much longer. We had the kids with Howie and Billie and things got all messed up and I had to have Tori take them, she freaking saved our ass' we would have been in a big mess if she didnt. :) The boys were so happy to see us, we were all finally home again, that little bit of time away makes me appreciate even more all the things that I have and that I deal with everyday, its hard to stay home and take care of kids, house, etc. but it is so worth it, I wouldnt change it for a thing. We are back to the normal routine, school, errands and such, other then trying to find JD a new phone...when we were in Vegas I kept telling him to just give me his phone and I would put it in my purse so he didnt break it, well we go to sit down to eat and he says "oh, my phone, i dont wanna break it" as he reached in his BACK pocket, ya, screen all busted, good job there! UGH! lol So I have to find him another one, I dont want to deal with the whole bullcrap of the shipping in and all that, so I am just going to find one on KSL. But the trip was fun fun, we had some fun with Dan and Angie that is a different fun from what it usually is since we have kids around 24-7. lol. But I am so glad they went, they almost didnt since they were sick but they ended up just coming and had a ton of fun. I hope I dont get sick since I shared drinks with them, but at the time it didnt matter lol ;) Angie and I would have done a little more, but the lamo guys werent into some of the stuff we suggested. haha. But our room that they put us in right when we got there was so stinky like sewage by the first morning that I was throwing up and they changed our room, something was wrong with the drain so they put us up on the 18th floor instead of the 6th, little higher, little more anxiety but I did it :) yay! We went to the top of the stratosphere and I totally almost passed out, my heart was racing, I tried, but didnt last long...but in the elevator was a good time HAHAHA Dan was just showing the love, but I was so nervous about the fact of us getting on and going up I didnt pay attention...but pretty much one of the funniest situations EVER! :) But....back to reality and responsibility til next time....

What the shizzzzz

So work is finally pickin up for JD that is so exciting since we are planning our trip trippity!! YAY!! And I have my doc appointment on Friday and they will do an Ultrasound to find out exactly what is going on, I still feel my uterus growing and its making my pants actually stick out really far down..little weird being there is not a baby in it right!? And I still feel all my pregnancy symptoms and am now 13 days late for my period...super odd on all this happening and not being pregnant, I was laying there last night and JD started to poke my stomach and there was this really hard lump right in between my bellybutton and pubic bone that stood alone, it felt so weird and neither of us had noticed it before, I wonder if there is a possibility that this is a eptopic and I am just not getting pain along with it?? Weird, but we will know all the facts on Friday, I cant wait!!!!! And Ryker is officially potty trained!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!AAAAHHHH!!!! :) On Saturday night I ran out of diapers so I decided now was the time...I put him in underwear, we woke up Sunday and he was dry bed and everything..then Monday came, I thought ok here is the real test, if he wakes up and goes to the bathroom without me telling him..then about an hour after we woke up I started to worry that he was going to just pee, then he ran past me and so did Kayden all the sudden Kayden screams "oh my heck mom, he just went pee in the toilet!!" Then he took his nap and woke up dry, then woke up today(tuesday) and ran past me while I was washing my hands and went into my bathroom and went pee!! And he has gone #2 twice on the toilet, it has been sosooooooooo freaking awesome! The times I tried before he obviously just was not ready, this time he was! I am super excited about not having diapers to change atleast for a bit, he has also decided that he doesnt want to sit in his 5 harness seat anymore so he has been sitting in a booster and he is getting himself all unbuckled and everything so that all we have to do is open the door and he climbs out. Our lives are getting so chill finally!! We have waited for the day that Ryker and Kayden were both able to play games and get in and out of things without us having to worry that Ryker is going to get hurt! We are very much enjoying the kids getting older its giving us some time to focus on us again, Ryker took alot of time and we had to pay attention to him all the time then when it wasnt him it was Kayden so Kayden would still feel loved, so its been kinda rough and Chaotic, so we are loving the stage of our lives right now...then we are still trying to have another so its going to be exciting to find out weather or not we are pregnant and then we can keep trying if not :) Either way we are enjoying this stage in our lives, and will continue to..its awesome...

February..already!

Wow, seems like life just flies by when you have kiddos to keep you busy! We had another fun weekend, on Friday night we just hung out and spent time together as a family, then Saturday Dan and Angie came over with their kids again, its very nice to have friends that are like brother and sister to us, and our kids actually get along fairly well for there being 6 of them! lol Kayden calls them his cousins, and we are all pretty dang close buddies so its nice to hang out with them, too bad we live so far from them, by the time it gets to be like 9 everyone gets so tired and then has to drive so we have to call it a night. JD and Danno watched Zombieland, me and Angie just kept busy, we arent into the scary stuff..so the boys once again got a nice peaceful night ;) haha I painted Raegans Toes & Nails, ohhh so freaking cute and fun! I love it! So we did girly stuff while the guys watched a scary show! lol And...went on Saturday and did another blood test, came back hcg levels are at 2, its not high enough to say I am pregnant, I dont know what the hell is going on with my retarded body, its getting super irritating, I have to go to the ob on the 12th and he will do an ultrasound and he will be the one to decided weather or not I am going to have to do a dnc..I am confused, every doc is showing and telling me something diff, so I cant wait to go in and have proof with the ultrasound that either I AM or AM NOT. I still have not started my period, I am now 9 days late, I feel very pregnant and shitty, and I swear I can feel my uterus growing and poking out...so we will see. At this point I am planning on not being just to save the heartache, but I will not be surprised when they say I am it just took a while for my body to get the hcg out...:) uh oh well...will let you know!

Things are great...things are grand!!!

So Angelina JoGreene came over today and played and the guys got home from work and we made some Tacos and let the kids play and go buckwild the whole night! It was fun, we dont ever have anyone come over to our house so it was really fun to have all of them over and play, the kids love when there are other people over here playing with their toys!! YAY! lol And...JD actually got some mad hours in this week and tomorrow is all going to be OT, and Saturday if he works, that is going to be awesome then we can have a even funner Vegas trip! :) Which we are soooooo freaking excited for, we need to get away so bad for a second! We are going to stay in the Stratosphere and go to dinner in the top of it one night..I am a little nervous for that though it is 800 ft in the air and spins 360 degree's while you eat!! AAHH! But it is going to be so freaking fun especially since were going with our BFFFF's :) We are all going to have such a good time, usually there are 6 kids running around us when we are all together so its going to be a blast! JD is so excited to take me, this is the first time I have ever gone and there is a possibility that I am pregnant, so I will go to the doctor next friday and find out for sure what is going on...I am sooo excited, to either find out that I am pregnant, or why the hell I am not having a period and feeling like poo! lol So either way things will be getting figured out! So Vegas will be fun either way since its going to be the first time ever, I did kinda want to drink a little, but I guess if I cant that is alright too! haha So...we will see how it goes..On Saturday I am going to go get another follow up blood test and if it pulls another negative, then I am definatly not pregnant and can have a drunken time in Vegas ;)

So confused!!

I am getting annoyed at the situation with my body right now. I have a strong feeling that the doctor I seen on Friday was a complete careless jackass. I am 6 days late for my period, still feel very pregnant, I am throwing up and everything. I have not bled, I have not had pain that is anything out of the ordinary, I am sure I am pregnant. But I cannot get the tests to say so since I am sooo early in the pregnancy. I will be super surprised if I am not, I will honestly bet something big on it that I am. I called my old Midwife that delivered both my boys and she is very very good at what she does. I told her everything that is happening and she said that I have to be, but I am just feeling everything so soon that they only thing that is going to help right now is patience. She said the window with conception time is very confusing and sometimes it can take 4-7 weeks to get a positive result and she said to not rule it out. I know my body, my body is always doing the same thing with my womenly fun stuff, so I know that this situation going on right now would only be caused by pregnancy, she said that it doesnt sound like a misscarraige in any way shape or form, I would be having HCG and it would either stay the same or go to a peak then down, but its not. The test that the er doc ran was not the same test that they took a few days prior so they cannot be compared and he was wrong even suggesting that I couldnt be knowing that they werent the same test. He did no pelvic exam or anything, she said that he did not do enough to rule anything in or out, he was not thorough enough to even make a final decision. She said to wait til 2 weeks after my missed period and if it does not pull up then, then to go to the er and REQUEST a ultrasound so that they can figure out what is going on. She said there would be no other reason for what is going on that would not end in pregnancy. She said if I make it to that point and still have no pain or anything they would no doubt do ultrasound and see where the baby is, she said if this was eptopic I would be in pain, and bleeding and have pain in one specific area, she said if this was a misscarraige I wouldnt be having a few signs that I am, they would have stopped. So she is sure that I am, but its the waiting period that I am so impatient over and its hard to sit and wait when its Oh ya know..just a BABY!! lol So I am still taking care of myself like I am, and I am still trying to listen to my body and get the rest I need so that the baby can grow and develope if I am. I hope that I am, then on the other hand we can try again next month after we get home from Vegas. This is going to be my first time to Vegas and I did want to drink a little, but I will still have fun if I cant. So right now I just want to know what the hell is going on and why I cant get the answer that I need. So irritating! I am super upset about the damn ER visit, huge bill coming my way and a total jackass who wouldnt even listen to me and do the tests that I was asking for, I would have an answer right now if he would of. So...I will keep you updated, sorry if its annoying people, but I will just try to shut up about it for a bit. lol Thanks for putting up with my bullshit :)

Sad..but life goes on

So I started to feel a bad feeling that something was wrong, no pain, no bleeding, just another instinct something was up. Went to the doc and had blood drawn, my levels were at zero again. :( AAHHHH!!! I cant do this anymore, this is such a hard thing to go through all the time. I think we are going to call it quits we have two beautiful healthy boys, that run around like crazy and smell like stinky boys...why not love them with all we have then to worry about going through misscarraiges all the time. The older they get the calmer things get, but the more baby hungry we get. We dont want to have a huge gap either between Ryker and another one so we would want it to be sooner then later...but oh well. :) Life goes on, and we still have the wonderfully busy bodies we have, so were going to just focus on them. We are getting ready to go on Vaca with Dan and Angie and were going to be able to actually have the fun that we planned on now that I am indeed not carrying a munchkin, so that should be a blast! I am having some depression today, I stayed in bed til 2 pm, JD just woke up with the kids and played all day with them so I could have my time. I love when he does that, it helps me gather my thoughts again, that have been scattered all over the place since last night. So onto tomorrow..Kayden is going to school, and me and Ryk man have to get out of the house and find something to do. // and...this is a mini-rant....So Billie comes over to my house tonight and tells me that they were at Howies sisters the other day and told them that I was preggo and that Kayden called to tell them, then she continues to say that she thinks that we had Kayden call because we were afraid that Howie would be mad....WHAT THE HELL!!??!!!....Why the FFFFF would we care if Howie was mad at US for getting pregnant? Seriously!?! So I started to get mad at her telling her that is the biggest load of bullshit I have ever heard come out of her mouth. Why is this any of his business that WE are having another baby, its not like they babysit or anything!!!! She said he might get mad since we dont have insurance....still I am so ffing confused on why that would be any of his business to get mad at us!! OMG! I am still heated over that shit! UGH! :) Thanks for letting me get that out

life life life :)

So over the past few days JD has not been too busy at work so we have been able to be lazy...its awesome! I am so damn tired that all I want to do is sleep, so its been nice. I was talking to JD about the baby and Kayden walked in and said I know your up to something, so JD said "well bud, what do ya think about having another brother or sister?" Kayden said "Nah, I dont want one to grow taller then me and pick on me" JD said "nobody, I mean NOBODY in this family will grow tall, so you have no worries!" Kayden busted up laughing and said "oh, Ok then sure, where is it?" Then we had to explain to him that he is going to have to wait for it to grow and get healthy...he just walked away confused I think! lol He was so young when we had Ryker that I dont think he remembers anything. So we told JDs mom and dad and the kids, we talked to the doc and since I was feeling good still they said the only chance of misscarraige is if the egg attatched and didnt grow, but since I still feel like poo, and feel the life being sucked out of me then things are going good he believes. So excited! I cant wait to go and get a normal week amount from my OBGYN, they will add the conception weeks too so I will be further along instead of just going off of blood amounts right now in the early week of it starting. We asked Ryker at dinner if he wanted mommy to have a baby, he just said "ya" and looked at me like I was supposed to pull it out of my pocket or something! lol So cute! Cant wait for them to feel something and see something, then they will understand more. We are trying to think of something fun to do this weekend with the kids, we want to get out of the house, we are thinking Hardware Ranch with JDs parents, but never been there so were looking into it. We have been cooped up since I have been so fricking tired that I feel bad, the boys need some attention right now and they need some fun. And....I cant keep my eyes open anymore, so its bedtime, and its only 8 LOL, I took a nap today for two hours, and slept a full night. Good sign its so different though! haha

Baby update!

So talked to my doctor today and he said that on Friday my levels were low enough that he didnt expect to have them raise and that I couldnt have been pregnant yet. I told him I beg to differ! He ordered another count and called me about 2 hours later and said that they had risen enough to make him say I was offically ONE week pregnant and actually did have a baby attatched, he apologized and said that was the first time a women had proven to him there is such thing as instinct! He said that I had litterally felt my hormones changing as the baby was just in concieve stage!!!! He said you have the first two weeks of any pregnancy where the baby is NOT attached to your blood or body so thats were the confusion comes in. Your body can technically kick up the hormones if it knows there is a conception that took place, but the odds of a women feeling that stage are next to nothing. He said that after the two week or so conception stage, it then works its way down to the Uterus and burrows through and attaches to the inside of you and that is considered week ZERO TO ONE, at that point the body starts to put off such a small amount of the HCG that they dont even count it yet, its not until the woment misses her period. HOWEVER, in my case.....I conceived, and immediately felt the hormones going through, then I started to spot/bleed for three days.....this is what made them confident that things are good and alright and this should continue to a normal pregnancy all the way through because I didnt bleedout with pain, that would have told them this was a misscarraige and the blood count wouldnt've been used to tell me anything, but since the bleeding was two weeks before I should have started, and it stopped and then I pull a raise in HCG bloodwork then were ok to say this is a ONE week positive pregnancy! :) YAY! He said I am so in tune with my body its amazing. Which I already knew, I know whats going on....always. But...as I sit here and think about my two healthy boys, and the way that I was pregnant with them, this is how far along I would have been, but I didnt know until I was about 3 weeks further. This time I just felt the hormones going through me so I knew something was up, then I bled a little and that just confirmed my thinking. So since those are the two pregnancies that went good, I am really excited and have faith this is going to go good. (in most cases that the early misscarraiges happen the baby doesnt get attached it actually just comes out like a period, so to know that mine is attached is what makes them think that were ok to be thinking this is going to be a healthy pregnancy, but of course there is always that chance that nothing is in the yolksac or it doesnt develope but we are hoping that doesnt happen either)

:) life is good

So this weekend got started a little early and JD was off before 1, we went to lunch with his Mom and pulled Kayden out of school a tad early so we could have him come..sshhh :)...we went and got all the stuff for Rykers blessing and made sure all that was lined up. We blessed him on Sunday at our house, we just had JDs Mom & Dad, Aunt N Uncle, One Cousin & Wife, and Dan and Angie, it was fun, all the kids are so crazy when they get together. Although, Ryker is the crazy man out of the kids he did ssooooo good while getting blessed, I was so worried that he was just going to try to run away or something while trying to bless him, but he did great. I figured it would either shock the heck out of him trying to figure out what they were doing, or scare him. Luckily I think he was shocked and just held still and quiet! YAY! So finally have him blessed, finally we seriously dragged our feet on that one! lol But atleast its done right!? And...my hormones are raging, JD is funny because he is telling me that all the other pregnancies it was more of a "trust the baby is in there" situation until he went to an ultrasound...he says that I am clearly pregnant due to my moods! :) Which to him he says this could be a good thing, he wants me to get my girly girl. lol. But I have not had much MORNING sickness, it hits me at like 6 pm, I stayed up so late last night because I was so gaggy but I was so damn tired. I am also having this weird thing with my fingers going numb!?!?! lol Read up on that, supposidly thats a very early sign that most women dont get til about a 5th pregnancy, and it gets worse throughout the pregnancy, its to the point that texting is even buggin me..not really looking forward to that..but eh, what can I do!? And...we have not told the kids yet, but we were walking through the store with Billie (JDs mom) and Kayden said "I want a girl" we both looked at him and said "what?" He said "When mom has her baby I want a girl" This was actually before I started to even feel pregnant, so it was a little funny! I am not feeling too great now, lol, but thanks to a awesome husband who will clean, cook, whatever...he will take care of me and the boys while I get through the sickness. Funny how aware your body is of pregnancy once you have experienced it, I can seriously feel everything that my body is doing, so I am having positive thoughts that things are going good in the baking process. :)