Sad..but life goes on

So I started to feel a bad feeling that something was wrong, no pain, no bleeding, just another instinct something was up. Went to the doc and had blood drawn, my levels were at zero again. :( AAHHHH!!! I cant do this anymore, this is such a hard thing to go through all the time. I think we are going to call it quits we have two beautiful healthy boys, that run around like crazy and smell like stinky boys...why not love them with all we have then to worry about going through misscarraiges all the time. The older they get the calmer things get, but the more baby hungry we get. We dont want to have a huge gap either between Ryker and another one so we would want it to be sooner then later...but oh well. :) Life goes on, and we still have the wonderfully busy bodies we have, so were going to just focus on them. We are getting ready to go on Vaca with Dan and Angie and were going to be able to actually have the fun that we planned on now that I am indeed not carrying a munchkin, so that should be a blast! I am having some depression today, I stayed in bed til 2 pm, JD just woke up with the kids and played all day with them so I could have my time. I love when he does that, it helps me gather my thoughts again, that have been scattered all over the place since last night. So onto tomorrow..Kayden is going to school, and me and Ryk man have to get out of the house and find something to do. // and...this is a mini-rant....So Billie comes over to my house tonight and tells me that they were at Howies sisters the other day and told them that I was preggo and that Kayden called to tell them, then she continues to say that she thinks that we had Kayden call because we were afraid that Howie would be mad....WHAT THE HELL!!??!!!....Why the FFFFF would we care if Howie was mad at US for getting pregnant? Seriously!?! So I started to get mad at her telling her that is the biggest load of bullshit I have ever heard come out of her mouth. Why is this any of his business that WE are having another baby, its not like they babysit or anything!!!! She said he might get mad since we dont have insurance....still I am so ffing confused on why that would be any of his business to get mad at us!! OMG! I am still heated over that shit! UGH! :) Thanks for letting me get that out