Things are starting to line up...starting...

So life has been a big ol' mess lately! We finally found a house in Plain City that the lady will sign a two to three year lease so that we dont have to worry about this crap happening again with our landlord so we are going to start packing soon and getting stuff over there. Its going to be nice to be out in the sticks again without the heavy traffic coming out of the canyon and the cliffs in the yard. This house is an awesome house we are in and we are super sad to have to leave, but there are alot of things that are too stressful with the kids up here, kids need to be kids and play and be wild in the yard and this yard is just not kid friendly, nor is the heavy traffic coming out of the canyon with everyone speeding. So we are excited to get a flat big yard that the kids can ride their bikes in, and play like kids in. The house is alot smaller then what we are in right now, but we hardly use anything other then our rooms, kitchen, one bathroom and the front room anyway so its pointless to have this huge house when all we entertain is our kids. So really its not going to make us that sad to just downgrade to things we use and make more of it. We went to talk to the lady renting it and she is my aunts best friend and is so nice so I think its going to be good for us to get away from this weird ass lady anyway. lol. The problem:JD is hurt and going to be having surgery, I am knocked up...hhmm, this could be interesting!! We are going to pack the hell out of the house and make sure its all packed and hopefully we can find some people to help us get it all out because I have no idea who to ask. We both hate asking for everyones help, we would rather just deal with it and do it on our own, but this time its a baby for me that would be getting the brunt so I feel like JD is going to end up just going at it and totally kill himself just to get it done, he doesnt have to attitude of "lets wait til someone will help" he is more "oh well, guess I have to do it" guy. Kinda sucks, I appreciate that attitude more then anything, but I get so scared he is going to hurt himself one of these times. I have seen him go to major extreme to do something on his own, and it doesnt matter if it is killing him in pain, he just does it and pushes himself til its done...something I am not used to being my Dad, and Brother are a little different in that area. lol. But anyway..the baby is good...still a GIRL!! YAY! And getting big, kicking, punching and on one most the time. I love it! I am trying so hard to enjoy this last pregnancy, and I am loving feeling and seeing the baby grow, but HOLY MOLY, my hormones are outta whack sooooooooooooooooooo bad I am ready to crawl in a hole til this is all done! JD is very patient with me and its so helpful, but I am still a mega bitch and for some reason cant just control these moods, I am hoping they will get a bit easier..fingers crossed..but all in all its been a fun ride with pregnancy, moving, jd getting injured at work, taking care of my brothers kids, and kayden getting out of school! Its possibly the mixture of all of those that I might be having the crazy moods?? Ya think?? haha. But I am hangin on......

Long story. But I need it out of my head. :(

Holy moly!!! In a matter of months things went from stressful to absolutely completely out of control. We are trying our hardest to do everything that we can for my brothers situation but it is extremely hard on us, so we are going to do it as long as we can. With no financial help or anything and just taking on multiple kids (on top of our two and being pregnant) its rough. But they are loving it here and loving the attention that they are not used to getting so its rewarding at the end of the day. This whole situation with my brother makes my heart ache. I was once this child that wondered where home was? Wondered who loved me? Wondered why I got the Mom and Dad I got? So its all really emotionally hard for me to even think that I could turn them away no matter how broke or stressed we are, LOVE IS FREE, and I more then anyone understand that. My situation when I was young is pretty much being repeated right now by him and its not surprising its what he has seen and learned from, someone will always pick up the pieces when you get weak when it comes to a few certain people in my family. JD and I are struggling with this in alot of ways, we do not understand how the hell someone can do certain things, and then again, and again and again! The cycle HAS to end, or you end it for them??!! Right? We feel its not right for someone to take advantage of us, our money or our kind heart. If we choose we will raise these kids, why would we do this without legal rights??? Well this same thing happened to me. I was 11 when I moved in with my aunt and uncle, my mother and father up and left. They would come by like once a year or something but I had so much hatred for them I got physically ill when I would see them. My parents also REFUSED to sign over any rights for my aunt to have control or assistance from the state, so she and my uncle just dealt with the hard time and made sure I was loved. It changed my life. I love my Aunt more then words can express. I now understand how difficult it was. But when I was 16 my Mom found out that if she had me living with her that her child support would go up to 450 a month. So...at that point I was for once in my life getting about a 3.8 gpa, had a boyfriend Josh who I was with for 3 years, just got a job at Kirts in North Ogden, and trying out for Fremont Cheerleading. I got home one day it was in the summer, it was just Josh and I and Vonnie came downstairs and said there is nothing she could do to stop it but I was going to have to go back and live with my mom. MY WORLD WAS CRUSHED. I knew what was going to happen, I had no doubt in my mind this was about money so I asked her, she said yes the child support will go up and she needs it right now, I am sorry there is nothing I will do things will be fine. Things WERE NOT fine. My life crumbled each and everyday. I got back with her and it was horrible. I hated everything about her, she didnt fool me, I saw right through the bullshit. The only good thing that came out of my situation with her is that god sent JD my way and things worked out for us to be together even if I didnt do it the way I "should" of. No one knows me, they didnt know what I was actually into, they would kiss JDs feet knowing the horrible things he saved me from and gave me reason for living at that point. So here I am at this point in my life with my brothers kids...thinking, I was that kid who was ripped away from what I loved all because nothing legal went of it. So WHY WHY WHY would I allow this to happen to my beautiful neices? I wouldnt. I refuse to do this long term just for that reason. They are not going to live here and get a happy life then get ripped right away when it benefits their selfish father. But then on the other side I am in the minds of the little sweet babies, I know the sadness they are going through and if I can save them from even just a portion of that life I would want to. But its not easy for me either, why does he think that when its hard he can just up and leave?? This is killing me inside. I do not know what to do. I would love to just do this temp but whos to say this is not going to turn into a year, two, three? Its hard enough being pregnant with all the hormones raging, then to add this I am honestly a mess. Mentally and Physically right now. I have thought about how if I wouldnt have even tried to have a baby that I could just do all this and there wouldnt be a problem, but that thought makes me feel horrible. I am popping out kids..but I am TAKING care of those kids so I am allowed to have another if I please. But the thought of just not being pregnant with my third this whole process would be so much easier. But this is my girl, this is my last, this is MY BABY. I feel like my family and I are missing out on a very important stage in our life that we should be focusing on more, yet we are unable to with all the craziness. The sad thing is the kids are little angels and mind way good, its the adults, they are drama, selfish, gossip, and plain difficult. I am being the bad guy in my family because I wont just take them and shut my mouth. I want a timeline, I want to know when this is going to end, I want to know who is going to help with groceries when we are out of food. This would all be different right now if we were able to have JD just work some extra overtime, but with him not working he is unable to. We are getting Workers Comp, but this is killing him not being able to provide for them. But I am sad to see him feel like these three girls are his responisibility, they are not, he is just a good guy. I am at the point in my life where I have watched my brother fool everyone. However he is finally catching on that JD and I ARE NOT FOOLS. He called and asked if he and his girlfriend could stay with us since they know our house is big enough for them with no problem, but all JD could say is "I am a Man, and I know these girls deserve better so I will take them no matter how hard or rough or difficult it gets. You and your girlfriend just go have your fun, one day you will turn into a man and figure it all out" (mind you he is 30). Its hard to turn your brother away when you know he has nowhere to go. Everyone is telling him no. He is living in a motel with his girlfriend and he will learn this is not a way to live. We have all told him yes for too long, now we all understand we have to break the cycle. So the way it goes long term is up to him. Sad situation, but you just have to keep pushing through.

ITS A GIRL!!!

So we found out today that we will be having our grilly finally. We are sooo excited, JD is slightly more excited then me at the moment due to people freaking me out about girly attitudes and whinyness, I know as soon as I start buying stuff this will come to an end. lol. I am really excited though, this is exactly all we need to shut me up and I will definatley not need anymore kids. haha. I thought that right when I got pregnant, then I kept thinking but wait a second, what the heck would I do if it was another boy and I never had a girl??? I would have definatly thought about a fourth a few years down the line again. So we are super excited to call this good. :). I am so far actually feeling better, for the most part, my food is not staying down very well at night, but other then that my energy is back and things are good. We have my little neice here for a bit..not sure if its going to be permanent or not, but we are helping out my brother who is struggling to be a single father and so we have offered to take in little one year old Maddy. We love her like our own children and she is melting JDs heart every second she is with him, so I think Casey is going to have to beg for her back. lol. She is such a great little baby tho, she is loving being here with our boys and having the little attention that she needs. We are happy to help no matter what this outcome may be, so for now we are just enjoying her one day at a time. Then JD finds out on June 2 weather or not he will have surgery on his shoulder, the surgeon says yes so I am pretty sure they are going to, this Physical therapy was just a workmans comp requirement. And Kaydens school year is coming to an end. I cannot believe my babe is going to be going to second grade, he is such a good little guy and we are so proud of him. He made me a Mothers Day Calendar at school and his face lite up when I opened it. Little things that make a mama's heart melt. :) I love my boys more then anything in the world, and no matter what they put me through during the day, which is usually a TON lol, I love to just walk in after they fall asleep and give them a smooch and whisper I love them. I treasure every day with them and cant wait to share their little sister with them soon. They are both so excited, I think Ryker is just because he see's Kayden, but still its so dang cute. haha. I am so thankful for my awesome husband who does anything and everything for me and the boys, and Maddy at the time, and dont know what I would do without them. :) Now...onto deciding what to decorate the babys room in........hhhmmm, PINK! YAY!!!

The good (baby) The bad (JDs shoulder) :) :(

So the baby ultrasound was so cute this time!! The baby has little toes and little fingers and was jumping all around. I love it! :) Its nice and healthy and the heartbeat is still fast and steady. I cant wait to find out what were having on May 10th, its going to last forever to just get here. lol. And then.....JD was working on Friday and hurt his shoulder when he was trying to get a hitch on the truck there and his shoulder popped and started to burn, he was unable to use it all weekend then attempted work today and ended up leaving early to get to the doctor, the doctor said that its appearing to be a torn muscle in his rotator cuff and there is a possibility of surgery, he said that you can have a small injury to a rotator that is just basically arthritis that JD has always had just like in his other shoulder, but when something tears it, it is nooo good. So were hoping for the best, we have gone through all this wonderful Workmans Comp crap with his knee before we were married and its such bullshit and I am sure somewhere someone will find a way to screw us but this is to the point that its going to have to be repaired now with no acceptions. JOY! I feel so bad for JD because he is feeling bad that he is not able to work to the full capability but this is not his fault and this is something that was caused by work to go bad and tear so it should be taken care of since there has never been an issue diagnosed previously from the doctor he has just had the regular aches and pains that anyone who works that hard has, so this is NOT an existing problem. So we have to make the appt with the Ortho Surgeon and they will decide where to go from here, wish us luck PLEASE.....

My life is pretty awesome! :)

So we have been super busy. We had spring break and it was so fun! I was dreading it a little I'll be honest, its hard to entertain Kayden, he has high expectations when it comes to just sitting home, we have to be watching a specially ordered movie or playing outside or something ALL the time. But this vacation was relaxing and fun. We just hung out at home and went to lunch with Jade when we could so it ended up being really good. We had the Easter Bunny visit and he brought the kids some special little surprises and they were so happy! JDs parents came over for Easter breakfast and WE (Jade, I, and our boys) had a good time. They were onory and irritated so they were being debby downers. Billie saw some alcohol in our fridge and instead of realizing we are adults and we can have it there, she got all mad and was a rude person the whole time. OH WELL! We made sure our kids had fun and enjoyed themselves and we had fun. After that we took a nap, then took the boys fishing and they had a blast. Ryker is going to be a total fisherman, he gets all silly and excited when we go. After that we got a call from my Mom inviting us over for a BBQ with my brother and sister. Jade had some painting he had to finish at home and just told me to go while he finished it up so Me and the Boys headed out there and the boys had SO much fun with all their cousins, they played their little butts off. And we brought home Carson with us to sleep over with Kayden and they were up til midnight playing XBOX then they woke up at 7 and started again. He loves to have soemone over to play with him so I just let them play play play. :) So our Easter weekend was absolutely perfect with our little family, Jade was not on call and was home and we were able to relax and make it good. I love my life, I have the best husband who helps me with anything and everything with no complaints, he is wonderful and I love him more then anything in the world. Of course next to my boys who are wild and crazy and MINE! :) I love Jade and my boys sooooo much, they make my life perfect.

:0) just wonderful

So things are going really good with the baby and its getting big and growing, the heartbeat is still faster then both the boys..so girl??!! And Kayden is going to be on Spring Break for the rest of the week starting tomorrow!!!! AAHH!! What am I going to do to keep them busy? Oh man I better start thinking hard. lol. JD is working like normal and I am home dealing with tiredness and kids and house stuff, just fun some days, so much fun. I have had a really bad pain in my back so JD has been taking care of everything for me so I guess I really cant complain right now, he has cleaned, cooked, done laundry and everything...kinda nice, I wont lie. But Poor Ryk man is sick and has a horrible cough that he cant keep under control so he pukes..ugh..so fun stuff going on this week, I am pretty sure I am going to be going crazy by the end of spring break since I am not entertaining enough for Kayden. lol. Wish me luck!! :)

Well hello there, its been a while!

So..so far I am 8 1/2 weeks pregnant, the baby is doing great and growing like a little babe should grow, the heartbeat is a little faster then the boys by about 25 beats a minute..so possible this is our grill..but I started to have some pain in my upper back on the side of my back and it just came on one day as a little irritating pain, the next day it was a little worse, then I went to sleep and tried to get up at 2 am to go to the bathroom and tried to sit up and just screamed and started crying uncontrollably, well I took some Ibu and went back to bed and Jade went to work I woke up to get Kayden to school and once again couldnt move so needless to say Kayden didnt get to school, I called JD crying my eyes out and couldnt breathe or move so he told me that I needed to go to the ER, I called my doc, they said the same thing. I was scared thinking I was misscarrying or something, so Jade left work and rushed home to take me, I was in the ER from 9 am to 3 pm, they came to the conclusion that I have "gravel" kidney stones, that means there are a ton of tiny ones so they have no timeline of when I might feel better, and they said there is a thing called hydronephrosis, you get it during pregnancy and its where your kidneys are surrounded by extra fluid during pregnancy and it causes extreme pain all through your pregnancy, and I also have that too..but they checked the baby and it had a head and body this time! So cute! So the babys heart was beating great and the baby was fine..thank god! So here I am bedridden, and on super strong pain meds, the pain meds are only making it to where I can move in bed and get up for just a second at a time, if I didnt have them I am pretty sure I would be crying my eyeballs out completely. But as long as my baby is alright I will deal with what I have to to make the baby healthy and keep on truckin. :) Right now JD is doing all the cooking, cleaning, and everything, which makes me extremely thankful and at the same time sad, he is working his ass off at work then coming home and staying up late and getting all the stuff done that I am not able to do. I appreciate him more then anything, he is so awesome and just steps up and doesnt complain a bit and just picks up the slack for me. :) I love him so much! I am so lucky! Now onto resting and praying to god this crap goes away and I can feel a little better....