Sad..but life goes on

So I started to feel a bad feeling that something was wrong, no pain, no bleeding, just another instinct something was up. Went to the doc and had blood drawn, my levels were at zero again. :( AAHHHH!!! I cant do this anymore, this is such a hard thing to go through all the time. I think we are going to call it quits we have two beautiful healthy boys, that run around like crazy and smell like stinky boys...why not love them with all we have then to worry about going through misscarraiges all the time. The older they get the calmer things get, but the more baby hungry we get. We dont want to have a huge gap either between Ryker and another one so we would want it to be sooner then later...but oh well. :) Life goes on, and we still have the wonderfully busy bodies we have, so were going to just focus on them. We are getting ready to go on Vaca with Dan and Angie and were going to be able to actually have the fun that we planned on now that I am indeed not carrying a munchkin, so that should be a blast! I am having some depression today, I stayed in bed til 2 pm, JD just woke up with the kids and played all day with them so I could have my time. I love when he does that, it helps me gather my thoughts again, that have been scattered all over the place since last night. So onto tomorrow..Kayden is going to school, and me and Ryk man have to get out of the house and find something to do. // and...this is a mini-rant....So Billie comes over to my house tonight and tells me that they were at Howies sisters the other day and told them that I was preggo and that Kayden called to tell them, then she continues to say that she thinks that we had Kayden call because we were afraid that Howie would be mad....WHAT THE HELL!!??!!!....Why the FFFFF would we care if Howie was mad at US for getting pregnant? Seriously!?! So I started to get mad at her telling her that is the biggest load of bullshit I have ever heard come out of her mouth. Why is this any of his business that WE are having another baby, its not like they babysit or anything!!!! She said he might get mad since we dont have insurance....still I am so ffing confused on why that would be any of his business to get mad at us!! OMG! I am still heated over that shit! UGH! :) Thanks for letting me get that out

life life life :)

So over the past few days JD has not been too busy at work so we have been able to be lazy...its awesome! I am so damn tired that all I want to do is sleep, so its been nice. I was talking to JD about the baby and Kayden walked in and said I know your up to something, so JD said "well bud, what do ya think about having another brother or sister?" Kayden said "Nah, I dont want one to grow taller then me and pick on me" JD said "nobody, I mean NOBODY in this family will grow tall, so you have no worries!" Kayden busted up laughing and said "oh, Ok then sure, where is it?" Then we had to explain to him that he is going to have to wait for it to grow and get healthy...he just walked away confused I think! lol He was so young when we had Ryker that I dont think he remembers anything. So we told JDs mom and dad and the kids, we talked to the doc and since I was feeling good still they said the only chance of misscarraige is if the egg attatched and didnt grow, but since I still feel like poo, and feel the life being sucked out of me then things are going good he believes. So excited! I cant wait to go and get a normal week amount from my OBGYN, they will add the conception weeks too so I will be further along instead of just going off of blood amounts right now in the early week of it starting. We asked Ryker at dinner if he wanted mommy to have a baby, he just said "ya" and looked at me like I was supposed to pull it out of my pocket or something! lol So cute! Cant wait for them to feel something and see something, then they will understand more. We are trying to think of something fun to do this weekend with the kids, we want to get out of the house, we are thinking Hardware Ranch with JDs parents, but never been there so were looking into it. We have been cooped up since I have been so fricking tired that I feel bad, the boys need some attention right now and they need some fun. And....I cant keep my eyes open anymore, so its bedtime, and its only 8 LOL, I took a nap today for two hours, and slept a full night. Good sign its so different though! haha

Baby update!

So talked to my doctor today and he said that on Friday my levels were low enough that he didnt expect to have them raise and that I couldnt have been pregnant yet. I told him I beg to differ! He ordered another count and called me about 2 hours later and said that they had risen enough to make him say I was offically ONE week pregnant and actually did have a baby attatched, he apologized and said that was the first time a women had proven to him there is such thing as instinct! He said that I had litterally felt my hormones changing as the baby was just in concieve stage!!!! He said you have the first two weeks of any pregnancy where the baby is NOT attached to your blood or body so thats were the confusion comes in. Your body can technically kick up the hormones if it knows there is a conception that took place, but the odds of a women feeling that stage are next to nothing. He said that after the two week or so conception stage, it then works its way down to the Uterus and burrows through and attaches to the inside of you and that is considered week ZERO TO ONE, at that point the body starts to put off such a small amount of the HCG that they dont even count it yet, its not until the woment misses her period. HOWEVER, in my case.....I conceived, and immediately felt the hormones going through, then I started to spot/bleed for three days.....this is what made them confident that things are good and alright and this should continue to a normal pregnancy all the way through because I didnt bleedout with pain, that would have told them this was a misscarraige and the blood count wouldnt've been used to tell me anything, but since the bleeding was two weeks before I should have started, and it stopped and then I pull a raise in HCG bloodwork then were ok to say this is a ONE week positive pregnancy! :) YAY! He said I am so in tune with my body its amazing. Which I already knew, I know whats going on....always. But...as I sit here and think about my two healthy boys, and the way that I was pregnant with them, this is how far along I would have been, but I didnt know until I was about 3 weeks further. This time I just felt the hormones going through me so I knew something was up, then I bled a little and that just confirmed my thinking. So since those are the two pregnancies that went good, I am really excited and have faith this is going to go good. (in most cases that the early misscarraiges happen the baby doesnt get attached it actually just comes out like a period, so to know that mine is attached is what makes them think that were ok to be thinking this is going to be a healthy pregnancy, but of course there is always that chance that nothing is in the yolksac or it doesnt develope but we are hoping that doesnt happen either)

:) life is good

So this weekend got started a little early and JD was off before 1, we went to lunch with his Mom and pulled Kayden out of school a tad early so we could have him come..sshhh :)...we went and got all the stuff for Rykers blessing and made sure all that was lined up. We blessed him on Sunday at our house, we just had JDs Mom & Dad, Aunt N Uncle, One Cousin & Wife, and Dan and Angie, it was fun, all the kids are so crazy when they get together. Although, Ryker is the crazy man out of the kids he did ssooooo good while getting blessed, I was so worried that he was just going to try to run away or something while trying to bless him, but he did great. I figured it would either shock the heck out of him trying to figure out what they were doing, or scare him. Luckily I think he was shocked and just held still and quiet! YAY! So finally have him blessed, finally we seriously dragged our feet on that one! lol But atleast its done right!? And...my hormones are raging, JD is funny because he is telling me that all the other pregnancies it was more of a "trust the baby is in there" situation until he went to an ultrasound...he says that I am clearly pregnant due to my moods! :) Which to him he says this could be a good thing, he wants me to get my girly girl. lol. But I have not had much MORNING sickness, it hits me at like 6 pm, I stayed up so late last night because I was so gaggy but I was so damn tired. I am also having this weird thing with my fingers going numb!?!?! lol Read up on that, supposidly thats a very early sign that most women dont get til about a 5th pregnancy, and it gets worse throughout the pregnancy, its to the point that texting is even buggin me..not really looking forward to that..but eh, what can I do!? And...we have not told the kids yet, but we were walking through the store with Billie (JDs mom) and Kayden said "I want a girl" we both looked at him and said "what?" He said "When mom has her baby I want a girl" This was actually before I started to even feel pregnant, so it was a little funny! I am not feeling too great now, lol, but thanks to a awesome husband who will clean, cook, whatever...he will take care of me and the boys while I get through the sickness. Funny how aware your body is of pregnancy once you have experienced it, I can seriously feel everything that my body is doing, so I am having positive thoughts that things are going good in the baking process. :)

Everything happens for a reason...

So...in our life together as La Robertos, we have been through alot. We have always been super unsure about what we wanted to do religion wise and have had many many struggles to get where we are, we have moved numerous amounts of times that have been things that are not in our control, some were some werent. But as we sit were we are today we look back and realize that everything has seriously lined up the way we needed it to. I have been really sad and torn on the reason that I have misscarried in the past and if it happens again what will we do, then I think back.....In Dec 2008 we were in Clearfield, we had a horrible experience with my sister and "starting a business" with her. We were in a horrible situation that once again, was not caused by us and we hated the house we were in and everything all around, things were horrible at that time. We have always had a hard time with Ryker since pretty much the kid could walk, he is ssoooooo hyper and not interested in things that another kid would be interested in so it has taken a long time to get him acting the way he does now, which is still more active then another so he wears me out like no other! lol But the point is (sorry haha) In Dec 2008 on Christmas I found out I was pregnant, I have never taken birth control, but we at that point we not "preventing" either, On the 27th I started to bleed and get crampy, so went to the ER, they did their thing said that if this was a actual misscarraige then I would bleed within two days and have to come back due to pain. So went home that night, woke up at 6 am in absoultey no doubt misscarraige pain. We were so sad, we were really looking forward to it and it broke our heart. Then we ended up moving out of that house and things were a little better, but still not good enough. So here we are today, looking back, there is NOOOO way we were ready for a baby at that point anyway, we are just bearly getting to the stage with Ryker that he is giving us some down time and not requiring so much attention. (and at the point of moving into this house I would have had three kids with Ryker out of control! lol)And we have now decided that we are both wanting to go to church and having faith in things we would never have seen that coming..caught us off gaurd! So we know that this all happened for a reason. I am pregnant, I am feeling it, I am not hurting, I am not showing any signs of misscarrying at this point (fingers crossed!!!) I had all the problems with my stomach and I seriously believe it all happened for a reason and thats why I am finally able to have a reason for the misscarraige last time, I think it made this one possible to carry. I think now we are able to handle it and are wanting to have another, but I truely believe if for some reason it does not happen, there was a reason for it. Gotta have faith right!? :) The past few days have been a little interesting...I have been soooo unusually tired, I normall cant even sleep more then five hours and it takes me forever to even fall asleep, and I never want to take a nap when I am not sick. The past few days I have been hitting my pillow at about 9..boom out..sleep like a rock, wake up at 7-8 feeling like I slept like crap :) I like it, it makes me know things are normally functioning and sucking all life out of me! I think JD smells like tools, which is odd, he has ALWAYS used tools, not once have I ever smelt this on him ;) I think its funny! And I feel nada in pain, yet I feel multiple signs in there being a actively growing embryo inside! I am going to go back into the doc to retake the test and make sure my levels are rising, they said I abnormally felt all the stuff way too soon, so my levels are low, but I have too many signs to say no. Plus a trace of hcg just tells them that I am extremely aware of what my body is doing. I got used to that with having my stomach hurt with the cysts that I had to pay very very close attention to weather or not what I was feeling was related to my stomach. So JD is trying to get used to the bitchy part of me again..he is not a fan he said! lol But he is trying to understand so he just lets me get hot and mad, then smiles and hugs me! I love that guy, he is so patient and willing to just shut up to avoid more of a problem, unlike me, I hate that part of me! And we havent told our kids just yet, we want to wait til we hear a heartbeat so they are not confused. So we will keep ya updated and let ya know everything that happens, its all going to go the way its going to go no matter what we think...so we are praying it all goes our way ;)

WAHOO!!!!!

So we did it!! Baby #3 in the oven! And so far baking..we are scared this time more then any other. I almost misscarried with Ryker at 13 weeks because of Progesteron levels. But the doctor put me on some medicine and I was alright. Then we tried again in Dec of 2008, I got the positive result, then scheduled the appt and started to bleed and cramp super bad a few days later and misscarried. It was not something that I like going through, not only painwise, but it is mentally hard on me. We have had 3 misscarraiges so far, and this one seems like its not like the others. So we are hoping and praying its alright. I was super sick since October and had bad stomach problems, they have done SSOOOO much blood work, scans, you name it we have done it, and the only problem they were coming across was the spot on my uterus that they said would be considered a tumor until it was removed but they said that wouldnt be the pain. Really they were stumped, I asked the Bishop for a blessing about a month ago, and I am amazed at what a difference having faith and getting one makes. I have litterally had ZERO pains in my stomach. Then the following day I called and asked the doc if it was ok to go ahead and try since we dont want to wait much longer to have another one. He said come in for follow up blood work, and he wanted to look over everything once again to just make sure there was nothing that would actually obstruct growth, he called me back and said that we were ok if I was out of pain, and that all the blood panel came back normal. FIRST ONE SINCE OCTOBER, AND HAD 13 CBC'S DONE!!!! That was soooo exciting! :) So I started to feel sorda off a few weeks ago and told JD I think I am already pregnant, which is odd because with the other kids it took forever before I could get pregnant. Then more things started happening and sure enough, positive test! YAY! It is faint, but the test I got was a cheapo, I dont bother with the expense since I know once its a faint line on the cheapo then were in luck anywhere else! lol So I am scheduled to go in for the first appt on Feb 12. I hope and pray I make it to that first appt, I feel like this is good, so we'll see. We dont want to tell the kids until we actually hear a heartbeat, just in case, we dont want to set them up for dissapointment. Will keep you updated...

What a weekend...

So Me and my Boys have been affected by this wonderful weather in Utah...I have always had a problem with asthma, but never to the point that it affected me this bad. I have lost my voice, my throat feels like its about ready to close completely off, but I can still breath so no worries right!? lol Both the boys have been congested and coughy, but nothing bad, or serious. Its made a rough three or four nights in a row..ugh, then to add to that I decide to start getting a serious pain thinking its my tooth like a normal person, get to the dentist today and I have a Ulcer that has started at my jawbone, and went through and is now exposed in the back of my throat. Ouch! And there is nothing they can do to make it any better, so I get to wait. Thank god for JD and his attitude and letting me do NADA while he takes care of everything, and me. He took today off to make sure I could get all taken are of, he is going back to work tomorrow and he said he is excited to because it is hard to take care of kids..ha! But I am feeling a tad better since I found some stuff at the pharmacy to rub on my sore..so thats exciting!! My stomach is still not hurting...it is so awesome to feel better from that, it was horrible!! Things are going good..we went to church on Sunday and the boys loved it and were SO good! Ryker didnt want to take his new tie off so he kept it on his tshirt for a while after..so cute! This ward is so nice, much different feeling from any other one we have gone to...I feel like a huge hypocrite though, I have always said I do not want to go to the LDS church and be active, yet now there is something different. But, we are NOT going to lead people on thinking were more serious then we are, we will not make them think we are planning on going to the temple or anything like that, we are just going right now strickly for a "Center" in our lives. It may sound stupid, but it has given us something to look forward every week, and its made mine and JDs attitudes different in a good way. So were giving it a serious shot this time, we will see where this goes, we will obviously be happy either way! Now back to life til next time I start thinking...... Ü

Jan 17,2010

So we were driving the other day and JD said he was thinking about Girl names..kinda caught me off gaurd, he said he liked Rayvin, Rayvn, however we spell and I am liking it. I have never heard of it and it would be pretty cute Rayvn Jade or Rayvn Amy (I like the Rayvn version personally) but it was just a cute little thought I thought was cute! I think we will have another boy when it happens though so I will not be dissapointed either way. We have tried to have fun this weekend and stay out of the house, we went to Dan and Angies (JD and Danno work together, and he has a pretty awesome wife that I like to kick it with) we let the kids play like crazy and get tired, went home and then I didnt even get to sleep until 2 am ish, because I have a tooth that is not cooperating, I am not sure its my tooth, or if its something in my jaw or if that might even be the same thing anyway for the dentist to just take the tooth and fix it anyway. I am sickened by what they charge to uninsured people..wow..to someone who dont use any line of any credit and have no credit cards or anything, its a little rough right after Christmas and Kaydens birthday to come up with a minimum of 650 to do a root canal then the will split the remaining 850 in two months...I cant wait to get insurance, we have realized that if we do not buy it outright for ourselves then it is not going to happen through the employer and were getting screwed more and more. I have tried to apply for chip and everything I keep getting denied on everything...ugh!!! But on a positive note, my stomach is feeling better, I am only having a few shooting pains during the day instead of consistant ones. :) I still have the appt set for Feb to figure out what they are going to have to do with the tumor on my Uterus. I am worried still even though my blood work is normal. But I talked to the doc and they gave me the ok to get pregnant and that it will not hurt the baby because the tumor is not inside and not too large, they just said that the only reason they knew it was there was because my problems with my cysts, so if that wouldnt have happened nothing would have changed.....so we will see!! Ü

hhmm, Mini rant sounds good...

So seeing the earthquake in Haiti happen and watching all the tv clips about it, seeing the pictures, it breaks your heart. But on the same hand..look closer..do you see those buildings or houses, or cars, in the background? Take a closer look if you havent..we are very lucky to live in America, this is a GREAT (not even a strong enough word for it) country, we are amazingly lucky to be here, to have the freedom, to have our houses that are built with multiple different materials, they are safe, warm, cold if you prefer. Either way its your choice, you are able to take care of your kids with government assistance if you are in a bad situation. You are not forced to walk to the orphanage and drop them off because you litterally will have them die in your arms. This is something that people need to realize is not FREE!!! I personally have paid for this country to be protected, Nino Livaudais my brother in law was sent to Iraq in 2003..left my sister Jackie with Destre 5, and Carson 2, and she was pregnant with their third Grant. He never made it home, she recieved his last letter he had written before he went out and it was delivered to her being between 3-4 months pregnant by men in suits..only one reason they would be at the door. Horrible horrible situation, she has been through so much, her boys miss their dad everyday. We went to DC in May 07 with them to see his Grave at Arlington. The most humble feeling to know all those soldiers are there because they were protecting this country from being invaded and making our lives miserable. (and not to mention that is just a small fraction who decided to go to Arlington, some are in their hometowns) There is no words for the feeling you get, you see pictures, videos, and such on Arlington, but until you are there looking at the endless amounts of perfectly aligned stones its amazing! We sat down and just looked at his Grave, it was the first time, and only time so far, JD and I had seen it. I sat down with Jackies boys and they just teared up, it was his birthday, they brought little cards to put on his grave and wrote him a little note. Carson wrote "I want you to come back daddy, I miss you so much and Love you". To see that was heartbreaking. Here is a brave man with the attitude of making this a better place for his kids, and generations to come and this is what his kid gets to say to him on his birthday. My sister has done a great job on making sure her boys understand that their Dad was a Hero, and they are very proud of him. They have pictures all over of him, she does a great job at keeping his memory alive. Grant was never lucky enough to learn who his Dad was, but he hears great stories, and he does know Nino. He grabs his pictures and stares at them, she has the most precious picture of him sleeping with the picture on the floor next to him, he fell asleep with it in the middle of the day. Destre was a little older, he was very sad about the whole situation, but he is a very strong guy and stepped right up and was ready to be the man of the house right away, he is a great cousin, my boys love him, he is a very amazing kid that has been through alot. So next time there is a moment that your complaining about a cold shower, remember there is a soldier out there who hasnt showered for days and would take a cold one at any chance given. And the next time we complain about being stressed out about a kid driving us nuts and wont calm down or be good, there is a soldier out there who see's a picture of his newborn and doesnt even know if he will meet them, or hold them. Or the next time you are mad at having to do hard labor for a while and break your back, there is a soldier out there who has been out for months on end with an extra 100+ lbs on their back and are too scared to take off their helmet to wipe their sweat. Please pray for them, they are out in a very dangerous area, and nobody can get them out but our government, and sometimes that is not an option so they fight, they fight their ass' til the end knowing if they dont, they may not make it back. I thank god daily for all the brave ones out there who can have military be part of their family and they wait for a spouse/sibling/parent to come home, I thank god daily that my sister had the strength to keep things so alive and real for the kids. (thanks Nino for what you sacraficed, we will see you again...)

Jan 14,2010

Wow..what a day! JD finally had a long long day at work. So tiring for both of us. Then he came home and put a new sensor on my truck just before midnight when he pulled in the garage. He is such a good husband. Ü Things have been going super good, JD finally gave in and just started to open up and be more affectionate, which was our only issue lol, and we are both loving it, he said he didnt realize how much he would like it! yay! haha. Kayden even pointed out while we were driving to school this morning that things were going really good, and mom and dad seem happy! So freakin cute! Once you think your happy there is always something else that happens. I am starting to become a believer in having a center in our lives..the boys have been saying their prayers and are excited to go back to church. We are not going at this full throttle and have any plans on making this a huge serious thing in our life, we are not against completely going to the temple, but we are not worried about that stuff right now. Its just a whole different experience when you go and you see the kids smiling and enjoying it. They are the ones who make us remember to do family prayer..it is still a little odd to both JD and I but we are getting used to it. Seems like it is helping us though, we honestly have nothing to complain about right this moment, our lives seem so content and there is a feeling of something just being right, right now so were not going to change anything. I went and bought the boys the cutest littlest ties, and shirts and pants today..omg! So adorable! They are both super excited to wear them on Sunday. I think our bad outlook on religion stems from the people in our lives who claim they are good people because they go to church, or they are married in the temple, yet they are getting tattoos and peircings!?! Kinda gives us, the doubters on if thats the road we want or not a super bad look. We have just decided to give it a shot, and so far so good, so we'll see! And..got the blood work results..first time since October that they have come back 100% normal..pretty ironic huh!? haha I have had a few things off every single time and they were doing it often, so very very happy news for us...but the pregnancy one came back negative for now...were not worried, we have two wonderful boys to focus on if things dont go as planned... Ü

Jan 12, 2010

So the weekend was fun and full of busy busy days..we are still recovering. We had Kayden's 7th Birthday party at our house on Saturday, then my niece Kayleigh's who just turned 5 was on Sunday. I ate entirely too much during the parties, but it's been so long sine I endulged like that I made sure to enjoy it, now back on track and remembering how delicious it all was..mmm! On the night of Kaydens party after everyone other then Dan and Angie left, Ryker decided to go in and take all the extra cupcakes and smash them into the leftover cake...then added about 973 toothpicks. Quite the mess, but it looked like he had fun! lol So were still finding little pieces of cake here and there. Kayden got so many cool presents and one of them was a Gameboy Advance from us, he was SO freaking excited to see it, he had this other one that we got him a few years ago and he was ready for a new one. Then there was a remote control motorcycle, JD was stoked to see it, they got it out and was trying to race it, JD had no idea what he was doing and couldnt get it to do anything, so Ryker grabbed the remote from him and just drove it and popped wheelys and everything it was hilarious. And Ryker decided that he wanted that toy, Kayden just surrendered and knew that it wouldnt be worth the fight, such a great brother! Ü Kayden is going to have a early day Wed, and Fri, then no school on Monday and Tuesday..I am going to have to find something to do, they go crazy being stuck in the house!!
I went and got more blood work done yesterday to check a few things since they have no idea what is wrong with me..I should find out soon what the results are. And they were also checking pregnancy..so just hoping we got lucky and might already be preggo!! We also went and bought the stuff to replace the Co2 sensor on our truck, JD is excited to get it all done, then the check engine light which drives him totally nuts will be off. So now we have to find a second to get that done...

Starting of the Ba-Log

Ok, so what the heck let's give this a shot..I figure we have crazy enough lives that blogging may be interesting. lol. Ok, first things first I guess, We have decided to try to have another kiddo..this a huge fear about gaining the weight back that I have tried so hard to lose, I am going to have to be SO SO SO careful about that. We talked to the kids about having another baby and Kayden said he would be so happy if he had his own baby in this house that he could help take care of..so precious! And Ryker said "ya..baby, k!" it was so funny. We are kinda scared just because the simple thought of adding another one will be stressful, but with neither of our families being close we are very nervous about growing old and regreting only having two, what if one decided to move out of state and since they are close the other one follows..ya know..lol..probably thinking too much into it, but oh well. We know that when we have another one that is definately all that we want. At this point we are not concerned about it being a boy or a girl. It would be fun to have a girl, teach her all the girly things..but on the same hand we kinda want to have another boy and let the three boys all be buddies and all of them can go hunting with us and all that. If we did have a girl she would be a little tomboy were scared of..haha..we would continue to do all the stuff we do like go hunting, camping, and I am not the average girl who lets JD do everything I always make sure to get in and get my hands dirty helping. We were talking about it last night and JD said a girl would be fun but I would have to start staying home while they go hunting and stuff like that, but I said that I disagree because if we have her grow up being tough and knowing how to hunt, and take care of business then we wont have to worry about her finding a jackass of a guy when she grows up, she will be able to stand her ground and take care of herself and her kids..lol..I am sure we are thinking into this way way too much, but it happens! haha // JD is super slow at work this year, usually they are so busy he dont get a second to think, but his time off is being much much enjoyed by us. Kayden has been at school all day and me and Ryk & Jade have been lounging and enjoying the time while we have it. Luckily we didnt go all out on Christmas and saved a little and aren't stressing about money! // Still trying to get Ryker potty trained. He is so stubborn that he is doing it when he wants, then throws a HUGE tantrum when I try to get him to do it..darn kid!! Well, I think those are pretty much the basic things on my mind..now we will do this day by day and see how it all goes..lol Hope you enjoy reading..this life is full of chaos and is very funny and sarcastic, so dont be suprised by anything.....Ü